Jerry, you need to find god
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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