I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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