rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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