i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
