I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
