I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize