I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
