remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
