you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
