he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
