i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
