carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
