dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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