sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
