I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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