I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
