Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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