Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
