hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
