I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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