I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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