if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
