So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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