My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
