I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
3 2 1 whiskey
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize