No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize