i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
