How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
