is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
