ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My ass is underappreciated
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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