I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
