I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
