And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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