so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
