I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize