Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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