It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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