Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just invented taco cereal.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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