k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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