Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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