everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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