1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
