So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
