i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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