I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
