Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
