matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
