my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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