I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
