): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
