Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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