I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize