It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize