we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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