Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please come you make the beer taste better
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize