We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
