hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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