I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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