I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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