I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
