the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
