I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
