so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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