so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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