do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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