I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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