don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
