Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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