All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
