Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dick has a subreddit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Couch. On fire.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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