hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
