I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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