Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You should frame my arrest warrant.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
