I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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