he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
