Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
